24 May 2011


Today I don't have pictures to post but I will just write how it is. No fluffy words. No stories to pull on your heart. Just me. And my thoughts. Maybe once I get coffee in me I'll remember how maybe I shouldn't have posted this.

I'm running on a few hours of sleep here. Claire had it rough last night.

We sometimes get comments about this blog of ours on how they love it because we paint a positive picture of life here. I'm so glad. I don't want to be a "debbie downer" (forgive me if your name is debbie, it's just a saying). I want to show the hope in Jesus that we can give the children here. The families here. Our friends here. There is so much poverty and despair all around and the enemy wants us to stay focused on how terrible things are. Yes, things can be bad. Yes, Jesus makes all things new. I grew up seeing kids on t.v. on the infomercials. The ones with the kids having bloated bellies, ragged clothes, snotty faces, and the saddest eyes ever. Have I seen kids like that here? Of course. It wouldn't take long for me to go to town and find one. Well, they'd probably have more clothes on. But that's not the point. All that to say, I'm glad people can see the hope we offer to children here in Jesus. That they can have a new life, a new family, a new beginning. And on a personal level, I'd like to be a happy missionary the majority of the time! Life can be rough on the mission field and people can get so focused on the negative making for some grumpy people! (not saying I haven't been one of those people)

I heard a teaching yesterday that was basically talking about living life from the inside out, not the outside in. Meaning, we shouldn't let our outward circumstances define how we feel on the inside. Everyday we wake up and make the decision how our attitude will be. In Jesus, as a daughter of God, we have the right to be joyful regardless of what is going on around us.

But in the other hand, I don't want to paint a fake picture. As if things are easy here and happy go lucky. And show sometimes, there are days that just are hard.

Today is one of those days I just do not want to get out of bed and face what today might hold. I can't go into details. Just one of those days. I'm sure you've heard about the tornado that tore up a lot of the town Joplin, MO? We have many dear friends there. Every year two teams come from there. Our prayers and thoughts are with them so much at this time. So far, we've heard everyone is ok that we know, if you have any updates, please let us know!

Last night I dreamed we were faced with a tornado. But my dad (earthly dad) was driving the car and would get us to safety every time one would come. It was one of those dreams that felt so real. I was shaken when I woke up. But then when I woke up, I remember that my dad was driving, he was calm and in control. (and dare I admit I was being a backseat driver and freaking out in some of it... not that I ever do that for real) Which was very obvious that he represented my Papa God. Because today it feels like a tornado is blowing through my life. I know, I have a lot to be thankful for. Our house is not destroyed, we are alive and healthy. I do not want to be insensitive to those in Joplin. We are heart broken. So I'm by no means saying I've got it rough as some people there. Just saying it was an example in my dream God used to say: He is in control. Probably cause I had them in my mind so much last night.

Anywho. Just been feeling completely inadequate for what we are doing here. I honestly had to ask God the other day... AGAIN... "WHY us?!", I feel so unqualified. It can be chaos around here. Seriously. If you really saw the inside of our life, you'd probably be thinking the same thing! But I love Jesus and we are willing to go anywhere and do anything for Him. So we will totally rely on Him and have no room to boast in anyone or anything beside Christ in US! But really, it doesn't mean we don't have our days. And we have to stop and listen to God tell us again our identity that is only found in Him. I'm sure I can sound like a broken record in regards to this. But every time I'm faced with these struggles of what the heck are we doing and why us?! I learn something new. And I understand God's great love and grace for us.

9But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and [b]show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may [c]pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me! 2 Cor 12:9

Such confidence we have through Christ toward God, not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills but the Spirit gives life. 2 Cor 3:4-6


l said...

I love you! Seems like there's so much of our sweet Father taking us to the end of ourselves every where I look. Take heart, He's working Himself into us so He can work through us. Of course, I'm rereading Humility by Andrew Murray. I wish it would play on a loop in my soul! Jesus is so much more than I think He is. And I am so much more and so much less than I think I am! Peace to you and love to all there. I believe we're in a dying season in preparation for these dead seeds to give life to a beautiful harvest!

NeNe said...

Yes Lord, pitch your tent over Kimberly and Bud today and may it feel to them like a strong fortress , able to withstand the gales of life and and a safe and a pleasant abode.

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