19 October 2013

Fear Not (Ezra 10 months old)

Hey y'all,

Well I'm just jumpin up and down that we finally have some internet that's more consistent and faster.  Not fast.  But faster than a herd of turtles in molasses :).  So let's see if I can get some consistent updates on here once again!  And let's see if I can communicate whats on my heart this morning.  Has to do with this sweet babe...

Yesterday morning I realized how much I love the stage Ezra is in.  I mean I love every stage but there's something about 10 months to 1 years old that I just love.  He's learning so much everyday and it's just so fun to watch.  We are starting to know his personality too.  He's crawling FAST and pulling up on everything.  He loves to clap his hands and learning to wave bye to people.  A few days ago he waved bye in the mirror at himself and was just a bit confused on who that other baby was :).  

Watching him yesterday morning I was just flooded with God's goodness and reminded how far we have come with Ezra.  I often forget but I am reminded in times like when I get him out of the bath and feel his scar on his back from heart surgery.  Wow that seems ages ago.  But if I let my mind go there, I quickly remember my Jesus being oh so faithful in one of the most difficult times ever.  So I look at this sweet and active baby and have to remember every now and then of the faithfulness of God to heal Ezra and make him as if nothing ever happened.  

I clearly remember sitting with the surgeon before Ezra was about to go into surgery.  He was giving us the details of what would take place since we could not be in there.  Placing your baby in the hands of someones care, that you don't know, to do heart surgery can be a little... um... scary.  But I remember having that inner peace that only comes from God and not being fearful because we knew ultimately, Ezra was in God's hands.

After the surgeon explained everything, he asked if we had any questions.  We could tell that usually it would be questions of concern or worry but Bud and I asked "when can we go back to Kenya?!".  Because we just knew God had this and that we had a calling and mandate to get back to Kenya.  The pressure from the world is that we are bad parents if we aren't worrying over our child.  But the Word says do not fear! (Isaiah 41:10)  It's a command, not an option.  Not even in the midst of such difficulty.

I also remember in pre-op, the anesthesiologist told me that I am his mom and it's my job to worry over him so thats ok.  I had to break those words spoken over me because no, I do not have to!  As if it makes me lesser of a parent if I'm not freaked out worried.  But even heart surgery aside, it's a common attack of the enemy to cause fear for a parent to move their child over into a country where there's a lot of diseases and sickness.  Our God is so faithful though and we stand daily to pray over our children for protection and healing, the inheritance that Jesus provided on the cross.  (isaiah 53:4-5)  It's not always easy and sometimes I slip back into wanting to run back to the U.S. to protect our children.  But even going back there, there is no guarantee they are protected there, especially if I'm slipping out from obedience to God.  In fact, the only time my children were super sick and had to be in the ER and hospital was in America, not in Kenya.

Our hearts must be so aligned with God's that we hear him so clearly on where we are to be, releasing his heart to a nation, that we can't live in fear and doubt.

And often, we must go to that place with God where we make sure it's in His hands our children are placed, not trying to pull them back into our control.

Claire, Ezra and Elisha.  October 2013.

Recently we took one of our newest babies, Moses, to get tests done due to concerns a nurse visiting us had.  Babies and hospitals always brings back floods of memories we went through with Ezra.  But I found it to be true that where you have overcome areas in Jesus' name, it gives you strength to fight for others going through similar situations.  I found myself in that situation with Moses.  Fear of what has happened to him to affect his future but rebuking that and letting what God's Word rule over Moses' life.  I'll share more about this in the next post and give you some updates on our M&M peanuts, Lucy and Ryan.  Our babies are thriving!  

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment.  But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.  We love because He first loved us."  1 John 4:18


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